


I tried my best by you

by estei



Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-11
Updated: 2012-02-11
Packaged: 2017-10-30 22:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/337026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estei/pseuds/estei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 shirts that would have looked even better on the floor</p>
            </blockquote>





	I tried my best by you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [subterrain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/subterrain/gifts).



1\. Where it starts, baby

It is completely ridiculous and Jon is baffled by himself but when he sees Spencer in that stupid pink t-shirt, its like. He just can't keep his hands off. He starts out with touching his knuckles to Spencer's elbow, shivering at how stupid-soft his skin is there, and ends up with his arm fully around Spencer and his fingers in his hair, silky and still damp and he can feel his mouth stretch in a smile that is uncomfortable on his face, too large and uncontrollable and Zack is rolling his eyes and the snap-click of cameras are a buzz in his ear but for just one second Spencer leans into him and Jon just doesn't care.

2\. You're on thin ice now

Jon just really likes the design, okay? And he likes that Spencer can wear shit like rainbow t-shirts and it isn't a statement and he doesn't have to say shit like "This is an ironic rainbow" because he doesn't care, because he likes it and that is all that matters. Jon wishes he had a bit of Spencer's confidence sometimes when he's blushing at Sisky's asides and William fucking Beckett's knowing looks. Spencer just stares them down, meets their eyes and shrugs.

"They're going to think what they're going to think," Spencer said one night, out of nowhere when the two of them were shivering behind the bus and passing a fading joint back and forth. Jon hadn't said anything, feeling cold somewhere deep in his chest when he realized that Spencer had seen his discomfort. Spencer wasn't mad, wasn't even disappointed, just matter-of-fact and Jon had wanted to stay out there with him forever.

3\. Now we have a problem

Long sleeved black and white stripes with a wide neck and definitely a girl's shirt and Jon's mouth is desert-dry just taking in the long curve of Spencer's neck, the slope of his collarbones and the dip at the base of his throat. Jon just wants to put his mouth there, feel the warmth from Spencer's skin and just breathe him in. He almost does, leans forward with intent but then he catches Ryan watching him, gaze dark and knowing and Jon jerks back, elbow knocking Spencer's ribs hard. Spencer's mouth forms a perfect O as his brow furrows and Jon's heart beats-beats-beats in his chest.

4\. But I never was the wise one

"I'm not going to cry or anything," Spencer says as he wipes the tears from his cheeks. His skin is cold but the tears are hot when he presses his face into Jon's shoulder. "Just because he, like. So I'm not," his breath hitches as Jon's arm comes around his back, "I don't always have the answers. I'm just as stupid as he is but he acts like its this big surprise every time, like I'm supposed to just know, but I don't. I can't. And, and,"

"And he's a big dick," Jon supplies when Spencer can't seem to find the words he needs.

"Yeah," Spencer laughs, short and harsh and more like a sob than anything else and Jon is so fucking mad, okay, he's so mad because this isn't right and this needs to stop but. But what can Jon ever say to make it stop.

"The biggest," he says instead, "You're cold. You're so cold, Spence. Put my sweater on, okay?"

And the hoodie is too big and the sleeves are too short and Spencer's hair is mussed after he pulls it on but he takes a deep breath and flaps his arms a bit and says "I'm going to wipe my nose on you," and Jon feels like he might crack open from the fullness in his chest.

5\. I get the answer from time to time

Jon buys the t-shirt because it feels soft on his fingertips and because he knows the colour will match Spencer's eyes. He thinks about how it will fit across Spencer's shoulders and how it will feel on Spencer's skin.

He keeps it in his duffle, because he knows that when Spencer wears it, it will mean something. He just doesn't know the meaning yet.


End file.
